yeah, i'm awake.

a rude awakening that my perspective is way off. that i always, always, ALWAYS expect the worst and react that way to everything. that i do not communicate well, despite my intentions. that i expect passive-aggressiveness, for everything to really mean something else. i grew up with that such a part of my life that now, it's burrowed into my brain. i feel stupid, and ashamed and i'm tired. sometimes i feel like i have nothing good to offer anybody. really.

the beauty of it

once you understand your own capacity, the depth of feeling you can have for other people and creatures and things, then you know exactly who and what to really let in. you decide exactly who you're going to love, respect, and cherish and anything else. you decide who and what you might only tolerate to add to the greater good of your life. nobody else decides it for you. you decide who and what are really worth making space and time for. and that's the beauty of it! nobody can force you to love them, respect them, like them or even make room for them. and you can't decide that for anybody else. and it's not an insult, it's human nature. we are all so different. we will not all love or respect or like each other the same way, we may not want everybody who wants to be in our lives to be there. sometimes there simply isn't any room for what certain people or things bring you.

 and that's okay.