Us

i'm moving on.
it's about time, i know.
but we were friends for seven years. seven years don't disappear in the course of a few weeks, or even a couple of months.
no, they still haven't disappeared.
but i've put them in a drawer.
one i open when i need a pick-me-up, when i want to laugh and fondly look back on how awesome some of our times were
it was you i talked to about my first real crush in high school. we sat in your basement, and you guys always had that door open. bugs made a permanent home out of your walls.
see? i wasn't always terrified of bugs...because i sat in that room with all of those bugs and absolutely didn't care...
but i digress...
we talked about my first crush and listened to bob marley...
the guy ended up being a first-class douchebag, but that's beside the point :)
we were always quoting spongebob and fight club. what a combo.
hours we spent taking stupid pictures and decking out our myspace pages.
just like everyone else in highschool with myspace, we wanted to look cool...
we pretended we didn't care...
we would dance in your house, all the time. sometimes to jennifer lopez and sometimes to random rock music. did i say dancing? i mean rather throwing ourselves around to the music. that was more our style...
we went to texas, looking and acting like fools. it was fun, though. i don't think i'll ever forget it...unless i lose my mind when i'm an old person...which would be fitting considering our track record with old people...
when i worked at national apartment finance and you worked at xango, we'd send emails and im all day long...it was almost as fun as hanging out...and even though we were always complaining about how bored we were, we weren't bored at all...we were too busy sending high school renditions of "look down" to each other and talking about britney spears and the guys we liked...
those nights where we were "thirteen" again. amy grant...rockstars....snackwells...
our obsession with winter...all because of That Winter, which we always spoke of with capital emphasis...i remember when walmart first opened their christmas section last year and we all but spazzed and died after seeing it...
the end was not fitting of the rest of it...i sort of refuse to acknowledge the end...i sort of refuse to acknowledge the last seven or so months, give or take, because they seemed so uncharacteristic of our friendship...
they were uncharacteristic of our friendship...
because the Us i remember was the Us that planned on buying a winnebago and traveling the desert, went to texas on a whim, wore boxers with leggings to walmart and bought "bra hats"....
all that bitterness, anger and resentment....that wasn't Us.


i look back to certain things...wondering, will we really never go nuts over the christmas section at stores again? will will really never share another rockstar while dancing to britney? will we really not just have crazy talks again?

will our kids really not know each other?

i know the answer...more and more as the days go by...




and so with that known, i'm moving on.


but i'll always be your friend.