Thursday, December 30, 2010

auld lang syne

i found a video i made last new year's eve where i made a bunch of resolutions and a list of things that i wanted to do away with (ie thirty pounds, irrational fears, etc)

i totally forgot i made the video....but i was pleasantly surprised as i watched it to find that i have actually done nearly every single thing that i resolved to do.

i've gotten and kept a job.

lost more than thirty pounds. these last few weeks i've lost a bit more actually, taking me back to the place i was when i was engaged (the point i've felt happiest with myself at) which is a huge victory for me considering i ended up weighing nearly two-hundred pounds last year. that could be a whole post, but i've talked enough about that and i can let my pictures from Christmas speak for me....i'm there :)

oh...and i no longer binge. which is really a whole different topic

i've cleaned up my (exceptionally truck driver-esque) language

i've taken up new hobbies

i've lost many irrational fears

my marriage has turned completely around

and several more that are now escaping me ;) or would probably weird people out to read.
i'm starting my new photo-a-day project with my good friend hanna in NZ, i'm delving into music more including songwriting, and i'm writing as always.

i can't really even put into words what it meant for me to find that video and realize i have accomplished practically everything i set out to. i'm proud of myself knowing that this year, especially the second half of it, was a year of growth for me. it started out so painful in a lot of ways. only when i look back at myself during the beginning of the year through videos and blogs can i really see how much pain i was in and how far i've truly come.
not to be dramatic, but i've shaken off baggage and chains and really come into my own so much more this year. i went from being overweight, unemployed and with horrible self-esteem to fit, employed and with (comparatively) fantastic self-esteem. i've stopped making excuses for myself. i'm rediscovering long-lost interests and re-defining who i am and you know what?

it feels effing good.

i've also reached so much better of a place with my faith and with the Lord. i don't usually blog too much about religion (aside from my conference blog entry :D) but let me just say that i've really had my faith tested and then renewed this year, and it's stronger than ever right now.

on my new year's video i talked about how i was ready to kick 2009 out the door, good riddance and so on. 2010 however, is leaving as a loved guest. and i'm looking forward, more than ever, to 2011.

bring it on.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

joy to the world

Merry Christmas!

this year's holiday was so, so wonderful! filled with family and friends, i even put up with all of the kids fairly well ;)

i'm excited to make my new year resolution list after coming across a video i made on new year's eve last year and realizing i accomplished all but i think TWO of the goals i set out for this year :D but that's a post for another day. for now i'd just like to wish everyone a merry Christmas, and i hope everyone had a wonderful day with their families :)

took lots of pictures this year as i'm no longer afraid of the camera :P also practicing for an upcoming project with a certain friend (wink wink) most are uploaded on facebook but i couldn't resist posting these here, especially the bottom one. all i can say is, we were dancing.

happy holidays!

Friday, December 17, 2010

a note i should have left,

dear minivan driver:

i want you to know that although you parked like a douche bag, taking up TWO spaces because you didn't want anyone to park next to you....
(and let's face it...your minivan isn't that nice anyway. in fact, it was kind of the opposite of nice...but i digress...)

although you parked like a douche, mr. or mrs. car is small enough that i parked next to you. i parked next to you, and i LIKED it.

yep. i squeezed my car in so that it was right next to yours. and when i opened my door to get out of the car, it was reaaaaally close to touching your door. in fact, if i had been a fat person getting out of the door and your door would have made a baby.

they didn't, because i'm not. but that's not the point.

the point's cold out. and busy. it's the holiday season, and no one wants to park five thousand miles away from the entrance of borders and then walk in the twenty degree weather to the door. you had a good parking spot, right up near the front, but you were rude enough to attempt to deprive someone else of the same little bit of luck. that's just rude, mr. minivan. and that's why i parked right next to you, because it irked me that anybody would be that rude and feel so entitled to take up two parking spots so that nobody could park next to their ugly minivan just because. i mean seriously.

when i came back out to my car, i almost wrote a note and stuck it on your windshield, but i decided not to. just because you had to be a jerk and apparently hid your Christmas spirit where the sun doesn't shine, didn't mean that i had to do the same thing.

so merry Christmas minivan driver. i hope you get coal in your stocking :D

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


have you ever had an artist or band you heard (or heard of) and thought, "i'll NEVER listen to them. i'd rather die." etc....

and then, awhile later you're sitting there hear one of their songs....

it gets stuck in your head for DAYS. then you're humming it. then you're looking it up on youtube (pretending you're really just reminding yourself how much you hate it while you do so)

and you realize....

holy. effing. crap.
i like this band/artist/song!


Sunday, December 12, 2010


last night, derek and i went Christmas shopping for each other.

it was so. much. fun.

derek's pretty hard to shop for because he needs so little to be content, so i was a bit worried about what i'd get him. he really loves watches, shoes and sunglasses. he's also really particular about those things, so i wasn't too keen on "surprising" him while spending a fair amount with the chance that he might not love what i got him.

(and he'd say he loved it more than likely no matter what, but i can tell when he really doesn't love something. just like i can tell with my sister jenn :P)

so anyway....we went shopping and looked at all sorts of things for him. i haven't had so much fun for awhile. we've joked that this is our "first real Christmas" together because the first year we were married, i was really depressed that Christmas and last year we lived at my parent's house. and to be frank, and maybe a little too personal- this is the first year we've actually liked each other during Christmas time. we're like newlyweds all over again these days. (and don't begrudge us this; we were never really "newlywedish" in the first place!)

i've wanted to get him new sunglasses for awhile because last year someone stole his favorite, pretty expensive pair out of our car and he's been using crappy walmart ones ever since. we paid a visit to a sunglasses shop in the mall and with the help of an awesome salesgirl (who ended up being one of jenn's friends from the hale!) we found derek the perfect pair. i was so excited to see his face when we bought them, i know i'm being sappy but bear with me. it was such a cute moment!

we then stopped at the hickory farms stand and chose the "feast" we're going to buy the week of Christmas. i'm a sucker for those holiday cheese, cracker and beef log assortments. i'm soso excited to get one that week and have some martinelli's and watch a Christmas movie!

we also found me a great gift- derek bought me the LIFE series by BBC, the follow-up to planet earth and i could not be more excited!! i spent like, four days straight watching planet earth two weeks ago when i babysat for my parents and i was dying to get LIFE when i heard about it. if there was an acronym for holycrapiscreamed, then i would use it. trust me.

we also bought our first tree this year and went a little nuts buying decorations. we strung up the lights and we're finishing hanging the ornaments tonight :D when we do, i'll post a picture.

and last but not least, i bought the best present for bekah yesterday too. i found these tapes she used to watch when she was little on amazon and i couldn't resist buying the four tape set. i have one of the tapes and when i put it on for her yesterday she flipped out :D so i cannot wait to see her face when she gets the set for Christmas!

all in all, wonderful holiday cheer is EVERYWHERE :D

Thursday, December 9, 2010

what the what

i can not understand, for the life of me, why guys in their mid to late twenties- heck, even EARLY twenties, go for girls EIGHTEEN AND FRESH OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL.

like, seriously?
can you not relate to an actual WOMAN or something? what's the deal???

at twenty-two, the idea of dating an eighteen year old guy makes me kinda want to jump into my bathtub with a hairdryer. just saying.

utah makes me LOL