auld lang syne

i found a video i made last new year's eve where i made a bunch of resolutions and a list of things that i wanted to do away with (ie thirty pounds, irrational fears, etc)

i totally forgot i made the video....but i was pleasantly surprised as i watched it to find that i have actually done nearly every single thing that i resolved to do.


i've gotten and kept a job.

lost more than thirty pounds. these last few weeks i've lost a bit more actually, taking me back to the place i was when i was engaged (the point i've felt happiest with myself at) which is a huge victory for me considering i ended up weighing nearly two-hundred pounds last year. that could be a whole post, but i've talked enough about that and i can let my pictures from Christmas speak for me....i'm there :)

oh...and i no longer binge. which is really a whole different topic

i've cleaned up my (exceptionally truck driver-esque) language

i've taken up new hobbies

i've lost many irrational fears

my marriage has turned completely around


and several more that are now escaping me ;) or would probably weird people out to read.
i'm starting my new photo-a-day project with my good friend hanna in NZ, i'm delving into music more including songwriting, and i'm writing as always.

i can't really even put into words what it meant for me to find that video and realize i have accomplished practically everything i set out to. i'm proud of myself knowing that this year, especially the second half of it, was a year of growth for me. it started out so painful in a lot of ways. only when i look back at myself during the beginning of the year through videos and blogs can i really see how much pain i was in and how far i've truly come.
not to be dramatic, but i've shaken off baggage and chains and really come into my own so much more this year. i went from being overweight, unemployed and with horrible self-esteem to fit, employed and with (comparatively) fantastic self-esteem. i've stopped making excuses for myself. i'm rediscovering long-lost interests and re-defining who i am and you know what?



it feels effing good.



i've also reached so much better of a place with my faith and with the Lord. i don't usually blog too much about religion (aside from my conference blog entry :D) but let me just say that i've really had my faith tested and then renewed this year, and it's stronger than ever right now.



on my new year's video i talked about how i was ready to kick 2009 out the door, good riddance and so on. 2010 however, is leaving as a loved guest. and i'm looking forward, more than ever, to 2011.

bring it on.