Thursday, December 30, 2010

auld lang syne

i found a video i made last new year's eve where i made a bunch of resolutions and a list of things that i wanted to do away with (ie thirty pounds, irrational fears, etc)

i totally forgot i made the video....but i was pleasantly surprised as i watched it to find that i have actually done nearly every single thing that i resolved to do.

i've gotten and kept a job.

lost more than thirty pounds. these last few weeks i've lost a bit more actually, taking me back to the place i was when i was engaged (the point i've felt happiest with myself at) which is a huge victory for me considering i ended up weighing nearly two-hundred pounds last year. that could be a whole post, but i've talked enough about that and i can let my pictures from Christmas speak for me....i'm there :)

oh...and i no longer binge. which is really a whole different topic

i've cleaned up my (exceptionally truck driver-esque) language

i've taken up new hobbies

i've lost many irrational fears

my marriage has turned completely around

and several more that are now escaping me ;) or would probably weird people out to read.
i'm starting my new photo-a-day project with my good friend hanna in NZ, i'm delving into music more including songwriting, and i'm writing as always.

i can't really even put into words what it meant for me to find that video and realize i have accomplished practically everything i set out to. i'm proud of myself knowing that this year, especially the second half of it, was a year of growth for me. it started out so painful in a lot of ways. only when i look back at myself during the beginning of the year through videos and blogs can i really see how much pain i was in and how far i've truly come.
not to be dramatic, but i've shaken off baggage and chains and really come into my own so much more this year. i went from being overweight, unemployed and with horrible self-esteem to fit, employed and with (comparatively) fantastic self-esteem. i've stopped making excuses for myself. i'm rediscovering long-lost interests and re-defining who i am and you know what?

it feels effing good.

i've also reached so much better of a place with my faith and with the Lord. i don't usually blog too much about religion (aside from my conference blog entry :D) but let me just say that i've really had my faith tested and then renewed this year, and it's stronger than ever right now.

on my new year's video i talked about how i was ready to kick 2009 out the door, good riddance and so on. 2010 however, is leaving as a loved guest. and i'm looking forward, more than ever, to 2011.

bring it on.

1 comment:

hannabaorange said...

I love this post. You're so positive and happy, and I'm equally happy for you!! :) Here's hoping my 2011 is as good as your 2010 was (your goals from last year sound like mine for this year!) and that your 2011 is amazing!!

As for 2010, thank you for being you, for being a beautiful person who I was lucky to call my friend this year. :)