violin

i'm taking violin lessons again!

my first lesson is this upcoming thursday, and i'm bursting with joy :D



it's so exciting, i thought it deserved it's own post.

and here's some bond, because i love them, and that's going to be me in about.....two years :P





A

adventures.

i miss having them.
you know...drives out to the middle of nowhere. bonfires. hikes. denny's past midnight. music venues. prank calls. (yes, very immature but an absolute blast)

i'm not as adventurous as i used to be, because i base my ability to have said adventures on dumb things like how crappy my stomach feels (hardy har) or "if i can eat at a place like denny's tonight" or if i can afford the gas money....


blahblahblah.....STUPID.

(and i used caps, so you know how stupid it is)


and let's not forget my biggest and lamest excuse ever....the weather.

yes, the weather. i have become that person who borderline lets the weather dictateeverythingido



double epic lame.


(and sidenote...there are ladybugs in my house. i've found three today, which i set free rather than kill because i don't hate bugs quite as much anymore....but i swear there's one on my right this very instant and i'm not that thrilled about it thinking i'm like, public transportation or something)

aanyway....so i came to the conclusion that i'm going to start having adventures again. derek and i had one last week....we went to the zoo. it was pretty awesome...
but i want more adventures.
and come rain or shine...i'm going to freaking have them.


next time it snows, i'm going sledding. and next week i'm driving up to the salt flats....seriously....because i've been wanting to


and i'm totally hitting a "kava bar" with my brother this week so i can calmtheeffdown. don't worry, it's nothing too crazy. i'm just buying kava there. probably going to see a lot of hippie wannabe's with dreads and unshaven armpits...it's certainly a joy.....



i'm weird tonight...don't worry about me....i'm just kind of stoked on the idea that i'm going to keep being a kid all the way until i have kids. which is going to be a long time. there's a reason i'm not having kids yet....i want to still be able to have fun adventures on a whim....i'm becoming more whimsical....no more planning everylittlething for me.



thuh end.



bah.



ps...kavakava tastes like dirt mixed with pepper and death. i drank some with my brother last weekend....but it's awesome for relaxation....


still tastes like dirt mixed with pepper and death, though.

funny little irony

i'm good at writing torture scenes.



it's ironic, because i hate watching or reading torture scenes. but i'm good at writing them (or so i'm told, at group :D)


writing has been so great lately. i am so excited to finish my wip and get it published in 2012. that's the goal date! it's crazy and overwhelming, and a little scary. but really cool too.

there's so much to a story, and to characters. their living and breathing depends on me and it's a bit intimidating to think that if i don't write them, no one will.


anyway, now i'm just rambling. don't ask me why. today i'm itching to go somewhere. as much as i've been looking forward to the season change, part of me is nervous about it because of driving in the snow...it may be time to look into trading in our car for something four wheel drive. we'll see.

off to watch some d. gray man, and play some wow. and maybe write, if my characters feel generous :D

buh.

the trouble with cold....

i worked out at the rec center today, because it was too cold and windy to work out outside like i normally do.




one word: lame.


a few more words: i have no idea how i got myself to work out there practically every day last winter. seriously. it's not a bad place, it has really great equipment and blah blah blah....

but i get bored on machines. i have tv's to look at instead of beautiful mountain scenery, and there are a bunch of other people sweating and heaving around me.

somehow it lacks the, not to be cheesy...serenity that walking outside does.
grr. i'm going to miss being outside when it gets too cold. then again, i wasn't outside much when it was hot because it was too hot.
there's a reason i love fall and spring so much :D

still...beyond not being able to work out outside anymore...there are a lot of great things about winter....things i am getting geared up for as the days go by! i'm going to buy some hot chocolate and martinelli's at the store for the weekend! favorites of mine for colder weather and the holiday season.
yeah...i'm too stoked...


counting down the days until i can listen to christmas music,

yours truly

still some of the best conversations i've ever had...

yay for lolcat inspired im conversations

love_hope_peace04: OMG
rachel_mardesich: OMG
rachel_mardesich: HOLY FREAKING CRAP
rachel_mardesich: HFC
rachel_mardesich: haha
rachel_mardesich: jk but seriously. I could die thinking about it
rachel_mardesich: so if I don't answer on yahoo, it's because I died thinking about it
love_hope_peace04: I did die

rachel_mardesich: oh my.....stomach
rachel_mardesich: the butterflies.....relentless......must..stop......
love_hope_peace04: they wont
love_hope_peace04: not until we're dead
rachel_mardesich: ah crap
rachel_mardesich: thought so

rachel_mardesich: depending on how much they cost, maybe I could get you some for christmas
rachel_mardesich: and put them in. EXTENSIONS: merry christmas from rachel
rachel_mardesich: k thanks bye
rachel_mardesich: haha
love_hope_peace04: lol
love_hope_peace04: I got u hare 4 xmas!

love_hope_peace04: Sweet!
rachel_mardesich: so be prepared
rachel_mardesich: (scar style)
love_hope_peace04: lol!!!

love_hope_peace04: oh hai, sry i havnt shaved in months
rachel_mardesich: I wil b harry k
rachel_mardesich: hahaha!
love_hope_peace04: hope u dont mind
rachel_mardesich: oh hai lets watch muvies and cuddle icksept i havnt shaved in a long time k
love_hope_peace04: lol@
rachel_mardesich: dont mind my leg hair rubbing against urs k
love_hope_peace04: !!
rachel_mardesich: i like u lots
rachel_mardesich: so jst dont worry
love_hope_peace04: im natral k?
rachel_mardesich: hha this is how god made me k dont hait

rachel_mardesich: "luek u wont beleeve this but im ur father lolz"
rachel_mardesich: "sry i didnt send child support but things got ruff around hear with the building of the death star and all im shur u understand"
rachel_mardesich: no, this isnt a new helmit y do u ask?
rachel_mardesich: srsly. how culd u think i wood get a new helmit b4 sending u muny?
love_hope_peace04: AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
love_hope_peace04: I can't stop laughing

hahaha....good times :)

in other news, i saw the social network for the third time tonight. i love that movie. it's my new fight club. not that anything could replace fight club...but since i can't really watch it, it's sort of replaced in a sense.

david fincher...marry me. my husband won't mind. kthxbye.

new weight loss goal

i know, i know....i was supposed to be done.
i thought so, too.
but then i decided (after seeing a few unflattering pictures) that i'm tired of unflattering pictures.
i'm ten pounds away from being at a weight where unflattering pictures don't exist for me. how do i know? because i've been at that weight before, a lot. i liked myself best at that weight, i looked good in everything i wore and every picture that was taken of me....

i decided last night that i've worked too hard to settle where i am now. i look good, but in ten more pounds i'll look awesome. so i've got a new weight loss goal, and i'll be working till about christmas to get there.

and then, the week of christmas, i can eat whatever i want and enjoy the holiday without worrying about a couple of pounds.

the good news is, i definitely have learned how to maintain. i've been maintaining a few months now and it's been great. so when i'm done, i'll be done. but...i'm just not done yet.



so here's to ten more pounds. hold me to it, and wish me luck!

holiday junkie

so, this year being the first year derek and i are living in a place we can really call our own....
i decided to go a little nuts on decorating.
yeah....i'm big on holidays. especially the fall/winter ones. ask anybody, i start listening to christmas music in early november most of the time...and i love love LOVE holiday-themed foods, clothes and decorations.
so this year, living in our lovely place, i decided to decorate like crazy for halloween.
and then....the minute halloween is over, i'm busting out the "autumn/thanksgiving" stuff for a good...few weeks before i go nuts with christmas stuff.
i know, i know...don't judge. i'm nuts. it's just how i am.

here are some pictures of some of my decorating (much of it courtesy of my mom and her hugely extensive collection of decorations)(
(who doesn't love spiders?)
(derek's cute figurines :P)


(epic deathwing is epic)

so first off, no i don't take the best pictures ever....it's cool though.
and secondly...don't you just love derek's figurines? i do. i refrain from calling them "cute" though, because they're not really cute...i just think it's cute that he has them...calling them cute would detract from the manliness of said figurines....


and last....you're probably wondering wtf the dragon has to do with decorating...well, he has nothing to do with it.
that, my friends, is deathwing. and the wow expansion comes out on december seventh...which is definitely now its OWN holiday...i want to throw a party for my fellow nerds, all of derek and my friends...
i think i seriously will...because this is cause for celebration...
and even cooler? a friend from work plays wow, too and she's going to blizzcon! she may have an extra in-game pet she's going to let me have....a mini deathwing. yeah. talk about way too awesome. now i'm just rambling...
anyway...that's my holiday decorating, and my other holiday...the release of the expansion...hooray! three cheers for fall/winter, yo. it's going to be epic!

rainy sundays

i love the rain.
and i love sundays.
so it would make sense that i love rainy sundays.


fall is upon us, and i'm wanting it to get just a little bit cooler so that i can start rocking coats and boots and the glamorous hobo look i usually have in the winter.

this last week was, as i mentioned in my other blog, a standstill week. not much of anything happened. i didn't like it. so although because of some timing messups on my part, i'll likely be in pain again all of this upcoming week, i'm not letting it be like last week.

i'll be going in to work and thanks to itunes u doing some "studying". i'm pretty stoked.
i'm also going to be writing a ton. woooo! this week is going to be awesome. why? because i already decided it will be. the end.


i'm off to go raise my tailoring on wow. nerdy, i know. and i'll probably watch peter pan.
this peter pan:
happy sunday!

standstill

grrr.



i had one of those weeks. yaknow....those ones.
in case you're lost, (which you probably are. after all, i am insane :P) i will fill you in on what one of those weeks is:

i didn't do much of anything this week. it's the week i take a break from my probiotic, and i was in an absurd amount of pain for most of it...so i didn't go in to work much, which always makes me feel fail.

i got some GREAT ideas at writer's group from the help of my dear crit partners, and i'm really excited about my wip! but.....i haven't written since group....because now i'm sitting here, letting it all cooook. boring. still, that's only half "not doing anything" because i've been thinking about it all week and am INSANELY stoked.

umm....i haven't even bothered trying to be healthy the last couple of days. the good news is, binging seems to truly be behind me now because even these days i don't do so well, i don't eat anywhere near the amount i used to....all the same, i feel horribly unhealthy when i don't drink enough water and i eat redvines instead of meals....yeah....

i didn't do any studying this week either. or pick up my violin. lame.

but the goood news is i am looking for a new computer and will be getting one within the next few days! and also....i want to try and kick my butt into lifting weights....we'll see if i can get myself to do it...i get awfully lazy and just end up walking 90% of the time ;)



so that was my week. mostly, a standstill. it was neither bad nor good...sort of just...there.
next week won't just be there....oh no....it'll come blazing in wearing bright red, complete with a top hat and cane to order me about with....


yeah...that made no sense. probably because my bed is currently calling my name....pretty loudly....

i don't get along with girls...

it's true. all through high school, i had a couple of girl friends including one who was best my friend....
the rest of my friends, and the ones i liked best (aside from a couple girls) were guys....

it makes sense then that i have a few friends that are girls who i truly do love....but in general i don't really look forward to having to get to know new girls really ever....(even though i work in an office full of women at the moment lol)

who do i get along with, then? men.
especially nerdy men.


i get along with all of derek's friends super well. we've started doing a game night with a bunch of his friends weekly...and i love hanging out with them. they're so much fun. there's no fake nonsense involved with guys....no backstabbing, no trash-talking. if they don't like something, they'll talk about it to your face....i love that about guys. why can't we as girls do that more often? why do we have to put on a good face, waste time with small talk about things that don't matter....etc, etc...meanwhile guys are having all the fun building actual friendships and enjoying each other because instead of being passive-aggressive, they talk things out when they have problems with each other and all of that....

not to mention, guys don't LET half of the things that girls get bothered over, bother them...

women are always saying how much more mature they are than men (especially women around my age) and yet, when it comes to friendships...men really do take the cake.

i LOVE hanging out with derek's friends. it's all fun and no complications.
don't get me wrong...my girl friends are awesome and i love them....i just have no desire really to make NEW girl friends because i already have such a cool bunch of guys to hang out with instead.


:D

what i'm grateful for

stumbled across the blog of a girl who was mourning the loss of her mother tonight and it really hit me hard. i decided although i'm in the middle of dying my hair right now and (should!) get to bed early, it's never a bad time to write a "thankful" blog.

first: i'm so grateful for derek and my family. i don't know where i'd be without them. my mom and my sister jenn are two of my best friends in the whole world. i love that they're such strong, wonderful women i can look up to! my dad is one of my heroes for sure and i'm so grateful for him and all that he does, and for my parent's generosity toward us kids.

also can't leave out my in-laws, who i have grown to love more and more as time goes on. they're wonderful people, and absolutely hilarious! i'm so glad we're family.

derek is absolutely the light of my life and i'm thankful every day for our friendship and how much he loves me. even the days i'm not that lovable, he's always there :)

i'm so grateful for everybody else in my family too, especially my gram and my other siblings...if i did shout-outs for everybody we'd be here all night :P so in the interest of keeping it short and sweet, let's just say i love them truly :D

i'm so grateful for this great place i get to live in. i love my home, i love the mountains. every day i go out and look at them, especially with the stormy clouds nestled on the mountaintops the last few days...and i just LOVE that i get to live here and see the beautiful scenery every day. i love having four distinct seasons. what can i say? i love it all.

i love my new job. i love having a job, i love what i do. i'm so, so grateful for the opportunity. i feel like it was tailored for me.

i'm so grateful last, but not least, for the gospel and for the light it brings to my life each day. my life has gotten so much better from faith and prayer, and i'm so, so grateful for it. i'm so thankful to know that families are eternal, and that we can always be together when this life is through. what a wonderful thing, truly.

how many times can i say i'm grateful, and for how many things? not enough. ever. but this blog is a small piece of how i'm feeling right now, and i'm happy to share it.

voices in my head

so, writers are often people you could call 'delusional' since often it seems, my characters talk to me almost like voices in my head. when i'm really focused on a story like i have been with my current work in progress, i will be doing whatever: driving, filing at work, etc...and i'll have my character's thought processes flowing through my head.
seriously, being a writer is total insanity at times.
well, MOST of the time.

but i love it.

transformation

second post in a day! in a matter of hours, even....
what can i say? i attribute it to the beautiful, inspirational talks i've just heard in general conference.....

i just feel compelled to write a "thank you" post to everyone i know and to God, for the complete turn-around i've had the last month or so.

for the last couple of years, i was trapped in a miserable rut where no matter how much "happier" i thought i was becoming, i was still ultimately un-happy overall and i didn't know how to fix it.

or rather, i didn't want to have to try to do what i knew i really must.

and then recently, i came to a crossroads where i knew i was going to end up being alone. i knew i was going to drown in my own self-inflicted sorrow. i knew i was going to screw things up for myself...
it was my reminder after new jersey...my reminder that i wasn't done climbing out of the hole i'd fallen into the last couple of years....


i began to live the way i knew i should. i began to do everything, 100%. no more picking and choosing what was convenient for me....i began to just do it all, with faith that things would change....

and they have.

i am happier than i was two years ago. i'm a far better person now than i've ever been. all of the anger i had built up inside has vanished. i love my husband more than i ever have. i love my family more than i ever have. i love the Lord more than i ever have.

and i love myself.
which, after the self-loathing i had been struggling with for the past long while...is a miracle...


i've stopped binging. i've stopped begrudging others of their happiness and beauty because i feel happiness, and i feel beautiful.


so thank you, to those who have had patience. thank you, to those who have inspired. my love for you has grown beyond what i can say, and i wish only happiness for everyone.
(which is something i never thought i'd hear myself say ;) )

conference weekend

it's unbeatable. it's like a whole 'nother holiday.



i love it.






oh, and i found this picture on my facebook. i had almost forgotten about it!

no doubt about it, boot is the ultimate. he was still mine when i took this picture (sniffle sniffle)

;)