Saturday, October 2, 2010

transformation

second post in a day! in a matter of hours, even....
what can i say? i attribute it to the beautiful, inspirational talks i've just heard in general conference.....

i just feel compelled to write a "thank you" post to everyone i know and to God, for the complete turn-around i've had the last month or so.

for the last couple of years, i was trapped in a miserable rut where no matter how much "happier" i thought i was becoming, i was still ultimately un-happy overall and i didn't know how to fix it.

or rather, i didn't want to have to try to do what i knew i really must.

and then recently, i came to a crossroads where i knew i was going to end up being alone. i knew i was going to drown in my own self-inflicted sorrow. i knew i was going to screw things up for myself...
it was my reminder after new jersey...my reminder that i wasn't done climbing out of the hole i'd fallen into the last couple of years....


i began to live the way i knew i should. i began to do everything, 100%. no more picking and choosing what was convenient for me....i began to just do it all, with faith that things would change....

and they have.

i am happier than i was two years ago. i'm a far better person now than i've ever been. all of the anger i had built up inside has vanished. i love my husband more than i ever have. i love my family more than i ever have. i love the Lord more than i ever have.

and i love myself.
which, after the self-loathing i had been struggling with for the past long while...is a miracle...


i've stopped binging. i've stopped begrudging others of their happiness and beauty because i feel happiness, and i feel beautiful.


so thank you, to those who have had patience. thank you, to those who have inspired. my love for you has grown beyond what i can say, and i wish only happiness for everyone.
(which is something i never thought i'd hear myself say ;) )

2 comments:

Sara McArthur said...

You seem SO happy! I am so HAPPY for you! Thank the Lord for the gospel! Thanks for your good example, even when you didn't think you were being one, you were to me! Love you lots!~

hannabaorange said...

You're so inspiring Rachel! :)