Sunday, June 27, 2010

almost there!

i've lost seven pounds in the last two weeks or so. this means i HIT MY ORIGINAL weight loss goal! now that i'm here, i'm actually going to lose six to ten more pounds, just out of personal preference.
but...I DID IT!!!

i just can't believe i'm finally almost there. i've been working so hard, and not binging has paid off so immensely.
there's someone i wish i could tell, so badly. i know she'd be happy for me too. after all, she and i started this weight loss journey together.
i hope she's doing amazingly too.

cheers to me!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

the time will come for us to finally win...

life is badack. can i just say that now? and yes, badack is a word. at least, it is to me. it's my substitution for badass. why? because i prefer to NOT sound like a chick at a truckstop. thxbye.

but seriously...even though my current situation is still...not exactly perfect nor favorable, i've been filled with optimism lately. and this optimism doesn't come from happy pills, kids. it comes from within.
first and foremost i'm seriously looking for a job, and i had an interview (finally!) on friday that really made me stoked. i didn't get the job, but it doesn't matter. just having an interview reminded me how excited i really am to be a working girl again. i'm going to keep applying, interviewing and trying until i find a job. it's exciting!
secondly, i haven't binged for nearly two weeks now. this is a BIG deal. no binging and i've been losing weight. even though i was sick last week, i didn't use it as an excuse to sit and drown my sorrows in food. milestone!
thirdly...i am mad excited to get back to school. a job is my first priority right now, but i'm hoping to get to school in the spring. i know for certain what i'm going to study- i want to major in linguistics. it's about 90% chance that i'll minor in cultural anthropology. i say 90% because i may minor in another field of anthropology. we will see. but the linguistics thing is for sure, and i couldn't be more excited. i've always been fascinated by language, culture and history. i can't wait to learn more about it.

i'm so grateful for everything, and that somehow i've been able to focus on the good instead of the worrisome since arriving back home. i'm determined to take control of my life in every way now, and instead of just saying so i'm actually doing so.

i love it.

Friday, June 18, 2010

why i love summer

ice cream.
fourth of july
festivals and parades
queens of the stone age and them crooked vultures
waking up early and having it be warm
waking up early and having it be light outside
daytime hanging around till nine o' clock

and a million other reasons i can't think of right now.


Thursday, June 17, 2010

why i rock

i'm aware this blog title sounds totally cocky. but as justin timberlake so kindly points out in one of his it being cocky if it's true?

or something like that.
i'm seriously not commonly quoting justin timberlake songs....but in this case, it works.

anyway, back to the matter at hand: i've been slowly rediscovering my complete and utter awesomeness. i've had some realizations. i'm stoked on my own coolness. i'm getting stoked on life again.

it feels awesome, knowing that i rock. i've realized that the past two years have been hard, and that i've gone through a lot....but i'm sososososo glad i've gone through this stuff being me.
there's not a person in the world i'd trade places with, and i mean that.
not physically, not mentally...
i love who i am.

i rock because i'm a total nerd and not ashamed of it.i rock because along those lines, i can quote star wars like it's going out of style and i pwn your face in world of warcraft.

i rock because i'm 1950's hot. you know, jane russell, rita hayworth, marilyn monroe... i look like a woman and not a prepubescent boy, or a plastic doll. i'm stoked i no longer look like a teenager.
i rock because i'm smart, and i know what i want in life. i'm going to major in linguistics and minor in cultural anthropolgy. i'll be speaking russian and you're going to wonder wtf i'm saying hahaha
i rock because i'm not afraid to get a job and push myself. i'm not afraid to work.

i rock because i went across the country and handled it beautifully when it didn't work out.

i rock because i'm a daughter of God and handle myself with the dignity that is required of such. i see the bigger picture. i love the bigger picture.

if this blog seems like a bragfest, you've got it all wrong or you have no idea what i've been the past couple of years. a shell of myself, a shadow. it was common when i used to talk this way, and you know what? it feels good to really feel this way again. this isn't false bravado. i am happy, confident, and wonderful.

it feels great to be back.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

things you learn in the fire

sometimes, being the bigger person hurts. it hurts enough that it makes you doubt why you're doing the right thing at all.

but i know once enough time goes by, being the bigger person is not something you'll regret.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


i have these dreams...
it's all okay.
oh they always seem so real.
so real.
i feel this happiness. i didn't break it. i could jump for joy!

but then
i always wake up.
i wake up, and it's cold.
it's broken. shattered.
the pieces of it splintered all around me
and the more i step on them, the more they cut into me
the more they hurt
it's gone

it's broken.