Monday, May 28, 2012


you know what marriage ultimately has done for me?
it's made me all the more solitary.

i don't need very many people. and that's okay.
i didn't like needing somebody as much as i ended up needing my ex.

and i despise when someone needs me.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Fifty Shades of Utter Crap

I came late to the Fifty Shades of Grey party. Well, let me word that differently: I never came to the party. But I was late in hearing about it. By the time I ended up catching word of the fanfiction-turned-bestseller, everyone else already seemed to know about it.

All I needed to hear was that it originated as fanfiction- TWILIGHT fanfiction no less. Clearly, I would NEVER be a reader.

Put aside the fact that this book that's "sweeping the nation" is total smut and is advertised as such. I mean, that's honestly gross enough for me. Written porn? No thank you. So imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon an excerpt from the book (first book, it's a trilogy? please, kill me and send my ashes into outerspace where things make sense) on

I don't know why I decided to read the excerpt. Because I KNEW it would really tick off the writer in me, and I'm masochistic? Who knows.
The point is, I read the excerpt.
Well, not really. I skimmed it. Because when the first scene in the first chapter opened with the main character (named Anastasia, of all things) sitting and brushing her hair, carrying on the most juvenile and cliche inner-dialogue with herself.....I just knew. No way in HELL was I going to read the whole excerpt. It was painful just to skim it. The writing quality was so incredibly wretched, the writer inside of me wept.
This made TWILIGHT look like brilliant literature! I didn't know such a thing was possible. Riddled with cliches, an elementary-sounding prose and too-many adjectives....apparently E.L. James wasn't just fanficc-ing Twilight, but also trying her best to imitate Stephenie Meyer's writing style.
I finished skimming the excerpt, after reading maybe half of it, and quickly closed the tab in horror. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?! You know, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the masses choose to read what is essentially Jersey Shore and Kardashian-quality entertainment packaged into a book....but it sort of breaks my heart nonetheless. All I could think about was some of the wonderful books I've read that will never get a FRACTION of the exposure this horrible piece of crap fanfiction is getting...the classics I've read that are literally an entirely different THING than what this "novel" passes for. Reading and writing have always been such a HUGE part of my life. The books I've read are all part of me in some way. What I write is of course, even more so.

By Fifty Shades of Grey being a bestseller, you're telling me that THIS is the kind of world I am eventually going to be bringing children into, not to mention the kind of world I exist in myself? The kind of world where some horribly-written porno book is "all the rage" in entertainment? Have we really become so simple as a society, that instead of reading something beautifully-written and brilliantly plotted, we're entertained and "stimulated" as it were (ha on the pun...but seriously) by something like Fifty Shades of Grey??


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Sunday, May 13, 2012


everyone has a different idea of paradise. for some, paradise looks like this:

for others, it might look like this:

this, too, may be someone's idea of paradise:

and i could go on and on. we're all so different, that almost anywhere is someone's idea of paradise. i posted the three pictures above because i would love to visit/have visited them before. but none of those three above are MY idea of paradise.

mine? mine is this:

i could post a million pictures of the desert i so love. st. george, arizona, joshua tree national park....DREAM vacations for me. one day, i'm going to stay here:

and i could totally LIVE in a place like this:

and you know what? i probably will! what's there to stop me? absolutely NOTHING. whoever i end up with will love the desert as much as i do ;) because it's kind of a ridiculously big deal to me.
i want THIS to be my backyard, dammit!

the desert is in my blood. it always has been. and i live in one of the BEST states for it.
utah is awesome! after all, it has my paradise!

Thursday, May 10, 2012


i love being a nerd.
and yes i am an all-out 100% nerd.

not just "sorta nerdy" or nerdy in a "cool" way.
i'm laugh hysterically at my own jokes, play WoW on one computer while watching anime on the other, star wars-obsessed NERDY.

and i adore it!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

it goes like this

i'm happy. why? because i know who i am. because i have amazing people in my life. because i am an amazing person. because i have the whole world ahead of me, and no person to hold me back.

i don't need someone else's validation to make me happy.

you can tell the difference when someone is trying desperately to convince themselves of something by splashing it all over the place, and when someone is reveling in true JOY.

i am doing the latter.