Friday, March 28, 2014

like clockwork?

being a grown-up is full of a lot of great, amazing and wonderful stuff.

consequently, growing up brings with it some of life's biggest pains and disappointments.

you learn what it is to be jaded, because you learn what it is to be wrong about someone. friend, lover, family member, coworker, somebody you used to know....they pack the same brand of punch in varying degrees. you think you know somebody, that you can depend on them maybe, and then you learn that they're nothing like what you thought they were.

the truth is, this happens to everybody and we all do it to somebody. in some way, shape or form, i have let somebody down or disappointed somebody when their expectations of me were not met. i might not even be as big of a jerk as somebody pegged me as, and in its own way that's disappointing. it could be ANYTHING. we're human. maybe somebody is only the somebody you thought they might be when they're having a good day or they're drunk or whatever. but you're always met with the same sad reality.

i personally think this is worst when it involves family members and friends. they're both supposed to be people you can trust, usually more than anyone else, so being disappointed by them stings the most sharply. and instead of being just a little sting that hurts at the time, these disappointment stings are laced with venom that gets under your skin and stays awhile. it might cause you pain and anger for awhile after the actual disappointment first sets in. disillusionment can build when you've had enough of these venomous stings. you might have tiny expectations for someone, they don't meet them, and instead of being sad you just find yourself thinking, "seriously? that was NOTHING. pull it the eff together!"

and just like that, you're jaded.

well, not just like that. over years and years of your soft and tender emotional flesh being stung repeatedly, you build a tougher, thicker and less forgiving skin. and then you're walking around, an emotional and mental leatherface ;) stings become more annoying than painful. you learn to expect them from almost everybody and save your actual personality and feelings for those who DON'T disappoint you, after enough time.

so as i was saying, you end up jaded a little. just like that. like....clockwork.

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