a rude awakening that my perspective is way off. that i always, always, ALWAYS expect the worst and react that way to everything. that i do not communicate well, despite my intentions. that i expect passive-aggressiveness, for everything to really mean something else. i grew up with that such a part of my life that now, it's burrowed into my brain. i feel stupid, and ashamed and i'm tired. sometimes i feel like i have nothing good to offer anybody. really.