this is the end.

today was the last day of school.



i went to see my kids yesterday. i finally texted mrs. h and asked her if she'd mind if i visited. she didn't.
when i walked into the classroom, i was thisclose to bursting into tears, i was so happy to see everyone again. i wanted to hug all of the kids as long as i could- but autistic kids aren't always the biggest fans of hugging haha
except for one kid. he told me earlier in the year that he loved me, and i quote: "miss rachel, you're all i think about. i just love you." he came up and gave me a big hug, and then proceeded to sit as close to me as he could and told me tons of stories the rest of the time.
i talked to every kid, even though some of them don't say anything back. i had little "inside jokes" with a few of them that i grilled them on, just to make sure they remembered them ;)
one of the kids, who loved to tease me and was admittedly one of my favorites, if having favorites is even possible- went right back to teasing me. he kept looking at me and grinning. it was so cute.
one of the boys told me he'd missed me and he wished i'd come back. he told me i wasn't in their yearbook. "i wasn't here long enough," i said. he asked if i wanted to be in their yearbook. i teased him that yes, i did, because i didn't want them to forget me.

when i left yesterday, i was somewhere between tears of sadness and tears of joy. i was so happy to see my kids again, and sad that this might have been the last time.


today i went back in to get an end of the year dvd mrs. h made with pictures of all the kids throughout the year. i didn't get much time with the kids, school was almost out.
when i left with my dvd, i felt like it was one of the most treasured things anyone could possibly give me. all of the kids get one too, so while i'll never forget them, hopefully seeing me in the pictures will help them not to forget me.


i hope so much i can go back next year, to the same school. but if i can't, i'll find a job doing the same thing at another school. there will be other kids for me to work with, and other kids for me to love. but there's no such thing as replacements with people, i definitely know that's true.


good thing i have room in my heart for as many kids as i'm blessed to work with :)