Saturday, July 23, 2011

when the music's over

oh, life.

just when i think i know where you're going, you throw me for a mondo-loop.

it's weird how life gets easier and harder at the same time. certain things crumble while other things build. life can be standing still in some ways and racing along in others.

there is turmoil at home. i am getting used to this colitis, and trying to get the motivation to tackle it a little better. i feel like i'm not doing everything that i can, and it bugs me. i'm dying to get a job working with kids. my life had more meaning when i was doing that than it ever has before. i had an interview on thursday, and i've applied for a lot of them, all things in good time.

the turmoil at home makes being home difficult sometimes. i'm ready to get my divorce going so i can put this phase of life behind me. the part of me that is still in this marriage feels trapped, like i was meant to move on a long time ago. i'm fighting being impatient with circumstance.

i crave independence. and freedom. when i was sick, i grew so much. i want to keep growing. i don't want to have to be dying to do so.

i am happy. truly, i am. but everybody has Those Days, and this is one of them.

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