Monday, April 9, 2012

of talents and potential.

lately i've been giving a lot of thought to talents, and how to make the most of them.

at twenty-four years old, i am aware of a small handful of talents. i have fallen out of exercising many of them, as the demands of serious illness have taken over so much of my life.

i don't like it.

i always had the feeling when i was younger that i had a vast capacity for many different things. people were always talking about my potential, my potential. i heard about it all the time. and i was pretty good at most things i tried, and developed a real knack for playing the violin (i started writing music on the violin pretty soon after i started to play) and writing.

unfortunately, being someone who had things come naturally to me often actually put me at a disadvantage. i got frustrated really easily when i wasn't good at something right away, and tended to quit. it wasn't all the time with everything, don't get me wrong. but still, i was a kid, and so i figured i'd have all the time in the world to develop and nurture my talents later.

well, by all means, it's later. and i've been thinking about things that i love, that i want as part of my life and that i want to be better at.

music has had me interested for years and years. i remember as a kid how much music would affect me. my mom told me that when i was only a few years old i used to start bawling when barbara's streisand's "wind beneath my wings" came on the radio. hahaha. music has always been such a huge part of me experiencing and coping with life. my violin sits in my closet unused, and i really want to pick it up again. not every twelve year old girl writes violin music the way i did. i need to recognize that as a TALENT! i walked around with music of my own making constantly in my head. even now when i take some quiet time to myself, i hear it. it competes for "air time" with the characters in my novel, which have definitely received more love. ;)

also, watching my sister develop her talents as a songwriter has been very inspiring to me. i feel like that's something i could have in me, too. and if i have a knack for music then it's time to use it! if i could create something musically that touches others the way other people's music has touched me...that would be amazing beyond what words can express.

my writing is another talent that has suffered since the onset of illness. i have been writing since the moment i knew how. jenn and i used to write books and read them to each other. i wrote poems. short stories. all sorts of things. i have an aptitude with writing that someone who studies writing for years couldn't develop, because it is a natural part of me. writing is SO many things to me. it's not something i'll ever give up, and something i've missed the last while. i write here and there, but nothing like i used to. i owe it to myself and my characters to tell their stories. i have been given talent in an area many people would love to have. i will make the most of it.

as for other talents, there are several small ones that are here and there and factor into everyday life. i'm making it a goal to seek them out, to learn to understand them and to exercise them until they become some of my greatest strengths and assets as a person.

why? because life is richer that way. not just for me, but those around me. those who i share my talents with.

and life ought to always be rich, fulfilling and beautiful.

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