i've realized that a LOT more of my apathy stems from/is the result of self-preservation than i'd previously allowed myself to know.
things have happened lately that have broken the hearts of people close to me. the wrenching, all-consuming pain i feel in witnessing THEIR suffering is so much worse than anything i myself actually experience. it tears me apart and tends to consume me if i'm not careful. it makes perfect sense to me that i avoid caring about people, remain aloof and detached. when i REALLY love and care about people...i feel their sorrows and pains so acutely, to a point that i think is more than a little excessive.
i need to find a better balance between apathy and being SO sensitive to the pain of my loved ones that it actually disrupts my life. there's nothing admirable about going through life completely removed and apathetic like i tend to do.
just a thought :)