i'm going to be completely honest here:
some days, i don't like life.
today is one of those days.
i woke up and instantly wished i were someplace else. this isn't the first time that's happened, nor will it be the last. i've trudged through the whole day thus far wondering if i'm seriously going to need to get back on medication. i have a job, i have hobbies and things going on....so why do i feel this way?
part of me knows it's something chemical. i've tried really hard to exercise and eat clean simply for my mental state above everything. last week, i'll admit, i didn't do too well because it was just one of those weeks. so maybe how i feel today is residual effect from that...
i don't know....i used to think that one day i'd run away to the desert with a friend and live there doing...whatever all day. i don't know. i didn't plan that far. i didn't used to be a big planner.
on days like today, that little part of me that wants to run away comes out. i want to leave and live a simplified life somewhere. i want to pretend to be someone else.
or maybe just figure out who i am.
i spent years wanting to grow up, and now that i am growing up....i dislike it. i'm conflicted, every second of every day. being happy is a day-by-day thing for me. some days i wake up full of energy and stoked to take on the world....and other days i just want to leave and disappear...
overall, i'm happy. i know that this post sounds a little scary. i'm okay with that, because it's how i feel today...
i'll probably be fine tomorrow.
as for now, derek and i are going to go have a mini-adventure. because i need it. desperately.