Tuesday, November 30, 2010

medication for us all....it's a new way....

so, today i began the process of trial and error with ADD medications. for the next couple of months

i was avoiding this, like the plague.

not just any plague, mind you. THE plague. the black death. you know....

i'm not a fan of having to be on drugs. a couple of years ago when depression hit me like a ton of bricks, i was on ambien, an anti-spasmoadic for my stomach problems and wellbutrin, and i hated every minute of it.
all i could think of was, is this it for me? will i have to be on drugs my whole life to be 'normal'?

so i cold-turkeyed them all and took matters into my own hands.

well, now i've done everything i can humanly do for myself. i exercise, i eat right and i have a job. i have hobbies. (well, i try to) i tried various herbal remedies and while lots of them are helpful, some of the stronger ones made me feel like a pothead and i'm not a pothead for a reason. i have no desire to feel high.

so i digress....after all of this...i knew: i have add, and i may need meds to help it.
my brother has it and we have the same symptoms, and i've read up enough about add to know. somewhere in all of my praying and pondering about how to help myself further, i realized i may just have to be that person who takes medication for years.

my whole life, even.

but without it, i can't have a life. not the kind i want, anyway. i've made all the progress i can alone. now i need that last bit of help.
(and this has a lot to do with reading seven habits, and changing my perception about medication and all that)

so today i started an add medication that's supposed to be a less-scary version of the rest of them. and if it doesn't work, i get to try the scary ones.
(they're not just scary though- they do great things for people with add, but there's also concerns with them i won't go into on this blog because i've decided not to focus on the negative side)

i have high hopes that one of these medications will work for me. that what's left of my anxiety with leave, that i'll have the attention span to do things i love again. that i won't be afraid to go to school because my lack of attention span, and that i'll be less irritable, etc.

my doctor told me that add drugs make the difference of night&day for add sufferers.
and since i'm doing all i can for myself otherwise, forming new good habits and trying to keep myself busy.....

i'm going to trust that.

i'll update on how it goes.

for now, i'm feeling optimistic :D

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