okay so here's the deal:
i have this thing with the weather and seasons, where i always want it to be a certain season when it's NOT that season, and the minute it becomes that season i don't want it to be anymore....
whew. confusing. and i feel like i've blogged about this before, but i'm too lazy to go back and look to see lol.
okay, to amend what i said earlier, i haven't ALWAYS been this way....truly it started because tanya and i would hype ourselves so much for seasons and then do none of the things we planned when we arrived....we didn't have this problem until the last couple of years, either. it was one of those weird things that happened when our friendship morphed into something freakish haha
anyway...so i've been battling this whole "i love this season....just kidding i hate it" thing since about august...when summer was ending i came to truly like a lot of things about summer, and the outdoors (see my outdoors post :D) but most of the summer was still sadly wasted i honestly feel like...and then fall and winter began....
i was looking forward to winter. and to be honest, i do like the cold a lot. i love the holidays and fall fashion. i love a lot of things about winter, like snow. but i don't like driving in the snow in my little car (still working on possibly trading it in) and i don't like the lack of sun and i especially hate WET, RAINY fake snow. like what we had tonight. i'm trying to really keep myself in the moment here and not demonize winter, and it's been harder than i wanted it to be because to be frank i tend to get depressed in the winter.
the good news is, kava kava has helped a lot. and so does kratom. i ordered a bunch and it arrives tomorrow, so i'm really looking forward to that. but aside from a bit of herbal help, the rest falls on me. i'm the one who needs to make sure that i have a good, fun winter. i need to make sure to do all i can to not let the weather get me down. i need to enjoy the holidays and not get ahead of myself so that when spring rolls around i'm ready to enjoy THAT as well, and not suddenly be wishing for winter again.
(it sounds nuts, i know...just a lame habit i let myself fall into a couple of years ago)
but i'm determined to break it!
and thus far, i'm doing well. i'm focusing on the good things, planning on going into tanning beds with sunscreen on if need be to catch some rays to keep any seasonal depression at bay....
and the rest, as they say, will be history!
i'll keep the blog updated on how banishing this weirdness goes :D
i should note, i have high hopes. i have a job. i've lost and maintained the weight that i want and don't binge eat, EVER anymore. i've gotten rid of all those bad habits that accompanied the last two years of my life. so i KNOW i can do this, too.