Tuesday, February 7, 2012

what i want.

mmkay so i am part of this group on facebook, in which we discuss dating in utah county (haha!) and why men and women are so ridiculous, etc.

well, it was brought up that some people have too high of standards....and i began to think.

here is the thing: one failed marriage later, you are an absolute MORON if you are not looking at yourself thinking, "k...what do i need to change? what about me was incompatible with marriage?" ever since derek and i separated a year ago (yep a year ago this month!) i have been thinking about this long and hard....

i have always been the kind of person who believes that because life is about progression, we should never stop striving to be better than we are. better people. more interesting. with more hobbies, talents and interests...etc. someone who does not believe that, is not someone i could EVER be with...

why? because i have worked DAMN HARD in the last couple of years to become who i want to be. i am not there yet, but i still think i'm pretty great. why? because i may have flaws, but i am aware of those flaws and am working my butt off to correct them. i want to be the very best person i can be- and frankly, not just for someone else. not just for the "next guy i marry, hoping it will be the last". no! this body, this soul is MY vessel with which to experience the world. i don't want to do that in any limited way because i am "okay, and a decent person" and willing to stay there.

screw that. honestly, look: people talk on and on about how love is finding someone who will love you despite your flaws and accept you "as you are." great. accept me as i am right now, but have expectations for me! challenge me to be better at everything i do! whether it be writing, rock climbing, shooting a freaking gun, i don't care!! i want a partner who challenges me every step of the way...who NEVER expects too little...who will be my partner in EVERY sense as i challenge myself to grow...i want him right there with me.

THAT is what i want.

and hell no, i will not settle for less.

1 comment:

hannabaorange said...

Amen to that! :P You are so right, about needing someone who not only accepts you as you are now, but also challenges you every day to be a better person. A relationship, in my belief (with what *little* experience I have) should not be stagnant. It can get comfortable, yes, but never standing still.

As for having "high standards", there is such a thing as being too picky, but you also wouldn't want to settle. I think that kind of scares me, that I'd settle for someone, because I'm worried I'd not find anyone more suited to me. But hey, I'm so weird, I'll probably never find anyone who can handle all my weird.

Sounds like we want similar things haha... fingers crossed at least one of us finds this one day!