so earlier this week, after talking with an acquaintance about relationships where one partner is dependent on the other in an unhealthy way, and insecure....i realized how much i don't EVER want that again.
in my marriage, i WAS that insecure, dependent partner. the damage it did to my self-esteem has already taken years to repair, and i'm still not 100% recovered. just thinking back to how i was- needy, insecure, jealous...ugh. it was so gross. i ended up so dependent on derek that i couldn't even keep a JOB because i couldn't do anything myself. i wish i was exaggerating how bad it was.
and the thing is, i was very confident and independent before...it was one of the biggest things that drew derek to me in the first place.... and if it ended up bad enough that i couldn't keep a job, you can SEE how much that confidence and independence deteriorated over the couple of years.
so if you begin a relationship with someone who is already insecure, dependent, needy and whatnot....it will only get worse. it will get worse until the partner who is insecure realizes how crappy it is to live that way, and decides to fix it. unfortunately, that's not the kind of thing one learns overnight.
thinking back to that period in my life, i am so happy i am the confident and independent person i am now. i have come so far...i'm NEVER going back to that again.
jenn and i were talking about confident women, and how although so many guys profess their love of confident women, when it comes down it, those guys often end up with the complete opposite. we both made a pact we'd end up with men who really appreciated our independence and confidence- and didn't just have it a laundry list of "good qualities" they look for because it sounds like a good thing to want from someone.
haha, we're such feminists sometimes :P