the things that matter most...

i've been giving a lot of thought lately to what's important to me. what i really and truly value, above all else. i can say with confidence that the things that matter most to me are completely different than they were three or four years ago- and that's a good thing.

why? because when the house burned down those years ago, i had the option of rebuilding from scratch or rebuilding from the rubble. after a couple of failed attempts at rebuilding from the rubble, i rebuilt from scratch. the result was a far better person than i could have ever hoped to be had the house not burned down in the first place.
(the house is me- my soul, really, in case that's not clear)

anyway...i still place too much value with the physical. i am more vain than i probably ought to be. i'll never be one to be swayed by someone ELSE'S looks...for instance, i would never date a man with a lousy personality simply because he was gorgeous...but my own vanity is still something i'm working on. but i've made a lot of improvement in that area. i don't think there's anything wrong with being a little vain and taking pride in your appearance, either. but excessive vanity is ugly and embarrassing to me.

besides that....i highly value my family. my relationships with all of my siblings and both of my parents have improved huge amounts since moving back home a year ago. i really try my best to be a good sister, daughter and friend. i want to be there for aaron as he goes through his crazy teen years. i want to help michael navigate through that painful "i'm not a teenager but not really an adult yet" stage. i want to continue to be the best friend/sister i can for jenn. i want to be a good aunt for joe's kids, and be bekah's best friend. these are all things that matter to me FAR more than almost anything else, and far more than they ever could have a few years ago when my focus was solely ME.

i value my spirituality. i want a good relationship with God. i want to always keep the bigger picture in mind, and therefore improve my spiritual growth. i want to be in the world but not "of" it as much as possible. living the gospel makes me happy in a way that nothing else can. i love the peace it brings me.

i value education. i want to learn everything i can about anything. i want to learn more about the people who roamed this earth long before myself. i want to understand culture and language, and how it affects self-expression. i want to know the part it plays in who people become. i want to know why people do what they do.

i value both children and adults with special needs. my relationship with bekah is one of the most important things in the world to me. i want her to know i am always here for her. i want her to know she is one of my best friends. i want to be a friend to the kids i work with. i want to be their advocate. i want to help push for reform in education so that different learning styles are embraced rather than looked down upon.

i value art, beauty, music and nature. i just want to soak up life. i want to do so as a solid person with a foundation of things that MATTER. i want to be a source of good, happiness and humor in other people's lives. i want to capture beauty with my words, in my writing. i want to see it in my travels. i want to create it.

with my quick recovery has come a complete change in attitude for me. i have thrown off the sickness and i am ready to catch up on all of the things it's held me back from the last few years. i am anxious to make new friends, to date and have a relationship with someone that will be wonderful...i want to have fun, yes...but i love the idea of being somebody's partner in every sense, more and more as of late.


world...get ready for me ;)