when the smoke is going down

i'm pretending to be a person much braver than i really am by going to philly this upcoming week.
there's "me", the person who kinda took over when the "great depression" hit me....this "me" is scared sick to leave everything i know behind, paranoid about ridiculous things happening over the summer and content to live in her shell forever....presumably to never get a job or go to school, or do anything hard because it's "scary."
needless to say, that part of me (is it really even a genuine part of me?) is a loser.

the person i'm pretending to be by going to philly isn't scared of anything, really. she's certain that she'll get a job out there, see tons of wonderful sights and meet lots of people. this person looks at the summer as the chance to regain her former effing glory by doing everything the other part is afraid of.....
that's the real me.

i never knew that getting me back would be such a task. but this summer is going to be it....after all of the excuses i tried to make not to go, after everything i have tried to be afraid of...the captain (hubby, lol) and i are still going to philly...and we're not looking back...